solving problems in groups.

its never easy workin in groups,you encounter all kinds of problems and issues and because we are different people, the way we deal with stress or obstacles may vary a lot. another thing is some people may be more outspoken than others and others are very quiet and timid. personally,thats where the first najo problems occur in groups. people may bot be happy with the way things are goin but instead of communicatin their problem they keep it inside only to let their dissatisfaction turn to annoyance and thyen to anger and it wells up inside you taht when you do suddnly explode you can destro a lot of relationships with your group memebers. some peopl jus may not know the right way to express themselves and thats why they keep things inside. but the thing is we have to do,we have to talk bout the things that bother us when in a group, they cant guess whats wrong and it will ultimately affect the progress of the group itself. thats where learnin various problem solvin techniques helps in life. but its never easy attackin the problem head on. one as to plan and strategise the way to put it delicately so as not to offend the fellow group memebers. and believe me its never easy. livin in an appartment with friends well guys that i met here in malaysia isnt easy. you think you know the person long enough but life will alway throw you curves balls. there's always one issue after the other,maybe ine person isnt pullin their weight with the cleaning up,or the next person is always late with their part of the rent or someone doesnt help with the cookin, or maybe one person brings over too many friends who leave the place in a mess....every week we face all kind of problems,and for me bein the youngest uyet very outspoken sometimes it takes alil extra to be heard in our house! lol...but you see,thats where plannin and havin a careful aproach to it helps. you can explain your problem and you wont sound the least bit unfair or irrational in your explanation. also its good to have solutions to bring t the discussion that way whenn solvin the problem everyone in the group can bring forward their ideas and its easier to work on the problem. another problem we might encounte in groups is that we may find the leader unfair or worst case scenario the leader is lackin the qualities to be a good leader?!?!?! trust me its extremely possible...our group leader at camp was.....pathetic to say the least?!!? haha!!! what many people dont realise is that respect is earned not taken...if you're a leader then its imperative to remember that you treat your peers with respect and never try to be a tyrant...but at the same time dont be too passive or the team will simply fall into your ways and there wont be any progress made...and we dont want that now do we?!?!!? hahahhahaha...trust me at camp our leader was a little less than inspired!!! lol.

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interpersonal communication

communication between two people has got to be one of the hardest things to do when communicating. its easier when you are among a group but when its jus two people everything becomes different. first of all one has to determine who this will be more important to in the long run you see. i mean take datin for instance...there are certain levels and codes of conduct you have to stick to before gettin to the point of where you two are deemed a "couple". and thats where communication comes in. everything you do now matters and varies...you have to determine the distance you can keep,compared to the first time you meet a potential date and to maybe when you're on your fourth date. the distance will be considerably different,the intimacy definitely...she'l allow ou to hold her hand,hug her maybe light kisses on her neck...that kind of intimacy which normally wouldnt be acceptable on the first date. what also influences the rate at which the physical side of this relationship will grow is culture. whatever influence culture has on the two people at heart they will certainly take into consideration when the guy is "making his move".

but with communication it doesnt jus end there. after courtin the lady,we now have to maintain the relationship dont we? and what does entail us keepin the relationship alive? some say the dialectical perspectives" do help. these offer a connection and autonomy to the person. in every healthy relationship,people need their space and their time together. if this didnt happen or perhaps one happened more than the other the spark would surely fizzle out. also,what i feel is the most controversial of all,keepin secrets from each other. the thing is how do we decide what secrets to keep,and are we sure that keepin that secret is the right thing to do? do we sometimes underestimate the magnamity of the secret? i feel that the thing with keepin secrets it always starts of with the small ones and soon they become big secrets...and people do this only because they are afraid to reveal their true selves to their better half...but really,if they are with you already,why would they not like you for you!??! the thing is we are human...only human,so we are flawed,no doubt bout that. and sometimes we can see our flaws,and sometimes it takes someone else to see thing bout us that we dont see...or vice versa,we may see things bout someone else that they themselves dont see of themselves...the hidden and unknown self. it all depends on what we choose to show the next person..but sometimes even if we try hide that to them...they may jus see it for themselves.

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non verbal communication

well...this has got to be the most confusin and controversial form of communication today. as a young person im sure my fellow peers can relate to what im sayin. its always hard to figure out the next person's feelings,say you like someone and you jus dont know how they feel. what they tell you is one thing but the way they act...well actions speak louder than words right? you can always pick up on what one person is feelin by their facial expressions,the way hey act around you or simply the things they do.

comin from differnt cultures though is when the lines get a little blurred. take for instance my situation,where i come from the youth when you like someone you're extremely open with your feelings,and well its reciprocated but here away from home its much more different. the P.D.A's are much more limited and well you have to take your time to get know what one really feels for you cos they jus dont give away much from their actions or non verbal communication. everyhting is now different,the proximics, the kind of touch and the chronemics...its all different now and in one word its much more reserved.

so personally i think the greatest influence on non verbal communication is culture...our world is diverse and ever changin and thats what makes communication all the more interesting. i mean in france when greetin they kiss on the cheek right...but anywhere else that may not be acceptable...in japan that would be considered inappropriate. jus like how in japan its offensive to hold eye contact with someone for too long...they'd rather you look at their neck,but in america its a differen story all together...if you refused to hold one's gaxe they'd see you as untrustworty.

so it all depends on the culture,nonverbal communication can be simple or it can be oyur worst nightmare...it only depends on how much you're willin to see...

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listening

listening.

i thin we as humans are a very selfish species. we want things to go our way and if for one second they dont go our way...all hell breaks loose. but have w ever really taken the time to step back and instead of fighitn for what we want,jus listen to what the next person is sayin?? that kind of communicatiob has got to b the most productive one because listening emphatically can help put you in someone else shoes and that way we all learn and get to understand more about others and importatnyl about ourselves. the problem with our communiaction is that we have so many prejudices and bias towards many people our base emotions all too often cloud the better judgement of our choices...thats why you get many different kinds of listeners like pseudolisteners,selective listeners and defensive listeners among others.

also often most people confuse listnein and hearin...the difference bein that when you listen to someone you're supposed to understand what they say,the importance of their message and respond in a way that benefits your communication...but all too often inmamny cases when our parebts lecture us,when havin a conversation with our partners,when in class....we hear but very rarely do we LISTEN. When it comes down to it,snt that why there's all this conflict in the world...i mean it all starts with the smalll things,you dont pay attention to your lover...the relationship falls to the wayside...then it gets bigger,its put on a much larger scale,people in position of power dont listen to the needs of the people,so we have war,we have economcal problems..and still they wont listen to the needs of others...so listening im sure you can all see is quite essential to cmmunication...if not even the survival of the human race...in more ways than one. balamanja sepiso made

does a picture really say more than words...?

this language of ours we were born to,or wait should i say the language tha we have fashioned to ourselves is an amazin yet tricky thing?? in todays society it all depends on how you speak,what you say and probabl how you look sayin it. so in the end you social status would depend mainly on verbal and non verbal commnication. for example...some people are always laughed at or ridiculed unrelentlesly for the way they pronounce their words or their accents...but in all honesty who are we to ddecied the phonological rules?? makes no sense right? but thats the wy it is,the power of language today is remarkable...it shapes a lot in our life. the power of language i feel is always underestimated. im sure we all know o those kind of people who love to speak teir mind,with no regards for the others around them...but sometimes maybe they go a bit too far..and maybe when they think they're excercisin their individuality by speakin their mind they are actually mistakin it for condescending,obnixious or rude language. thats the thing with language...we dont really understand what it can do...but we always have to keep in mind,it much easier to get back a million bucks than a word lost to someone...simply put,its ok to want to be heard,to be outspoken...but sometimes jus think of he consequence it may have on the people you care about the most...you might be doin more harm than good.

another tricky thing about language is we can never truly know the teur intended meanin of word all the time. i mean with communication its never easy to read what a person is tryin to say nad whats more we have a complicated language to make things worse...the thing is most of the time in our life we use equivocal words withou really knowin it,and if we really paid attention to what was bein said one would know that maybe the interpretation we get isnt exactly what one wants all the time...and thats language for you,an inferential statement that simply depends on own opinion statements and beliefs.

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perception and the self..

the way we perceive ourselves and others,i feel is greatly influenced by the modern er we live in with everyone now bein more content to conform to society's meaningless rat race than search the individual in us. see what happens is we are greatly influenced by things like the current music culture,fashion and even in school!! everyone wants to fit it at whatever cost...which means changin the impression of oneself among others. but what people dont understand is that it is our own narratives that makes us who we are...they tell our story s in the end its goin to be the story of the life of bala by bala not the story of the life of bala by someones else...so i think one of the most perceptual tendencies we have is letting someone dictate who we are or simply lettib them live throuhg us vicariously. this kind of dilemma is rife mostly in school,the way we judge ourselves a nd others is influence mainly by our external and internal environment(sometimes the main cause for prejudice??). the greatest challenge for youth today i think is individuality...and thats often determined by the way we view ourselves...i mean if you're gonna tell yourself you're gonna fail that math test then its gonna show...i mean you wont make an effort to study,walkin into that test even your body language will show that you're indifferent to the situation...so perceiving the self is all bout what the mind is willin to be told...but if you think like a champion,walk like a champion and act like a champion...then everyone around you will know you're a champion...whats even better is YOU yourself will feel like a champion...and believe me thats half the battle won.

i think everone goes through an id crisis sooner or later in their lives..."oh she doesnt think im popular..should i change the people i hang out with?" or "oh he didnt like my hairstyle today.. should i change it?". the kind of questions that people ask themselves everyday...so why do we manage our identities so carefully?? it is because we want to communicate that we are a someone in this world....we want to have status,we want to be noticed. but bein an effective communicator can get you all that without you havin to change yourself or your ideals. how we manage impressions simply depends on the initial impression we have of ourselves...then communicatin that to others will be a sinch. they'll see it in our body language..the way we ourselves talk and the way handle ourselves.

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"communication is the process of humans responding to symbolic behaviour".....the first definition i learnt in my first human comms class. but the real question is how do we as humans respond to communication in our lives?? as feeling livin humans communication is a basic need in our lives...if not we die...whether physically,mentally or emotionally...its al the same...without communication we are nothin but worthless mass. personally,when it comes to communication it all becomes very one sided...we all want to talk yet are we jus as willing to listen?? and if not then the the mode of communication becomes jus useless banter doesnt it?? ultimately we become incompetent when it comes to communication. a reason for all this conflict in the world...i.e the war in gaza is because of a conflict in the different cultures...easy to sollve though...if the two sides were willin to communicate...this involving talkin and listening and not jus simply talkin and not lettin the other's views being heard!! i mean if we did i bet we'd realise the cultural emphasis we have on people's lives and they on us likewise...we'd understand that as people we arent that different...so when it all comes down to it,there's no need for the fightin...so why not make music instead of missiles...it is a form of communication isnt it..?!?!;-)

bala sepiso made