relational development and maintenance goes a long way....

Observing the Development Perspective model created by Mark Knapp, I've never been in awe of how simple a model could sum up a relationship's typical stages. Now, just by observing the many stages the Development Perspective model contains, I noticed that despite the rise and fall of relationships being divided into two major phases of 'coming together' and ' coming apart', there are many obstacles and miscommunication intertwined with the whole outcome in the end.

Its not as easy as it seems observing that to climb the model, there's only five levels in order to reach relational maintenance. Now, its definitely an understatement if i were to say that five levels does not mean that'll it'll be easy to achieve relational maintenance. However, its the total opposite, it is beyond difficult. Maintaining a relationship based on all the basic essentials is hard enough, but to ensure security when relational maintenance is achieved, thats harder. If you do not iniate, experiment, intensify, integrate and bond passionately, hence, downfall is where your relationship is heading.

Furthermore, there are also possibilities that during the 'coming apart' division, a couple may face a blessing in disguise behind all the arguments, tantrums, silent treatments. There are quite a few occassions where during certain stages of the 'coming apart' division a couple may suddenly may take a turn for the better. For example, during the differentiating stage, gaining privacy from one another allows both parties to indulge in their own activities once in a while. Thus, this may help boost the amount of space both parties are willing to sacrifice which symbolizes respect for one to not feel too restricted. This will also allow both parties to engage in new interesting conversations since they are not doing EVERYTHING together.

However, some may remain at the stagnate stage for quite a while due to various reasons. At the point where a relationship is heading downhill, some may not even make it till the terminating stage. This usually happens when children is an issue. With this, for the sake of the kids, termination may not be the solution, in fact it will continue with the relational maintenance level. Many couples at this stage usually try to work something out and through compromising and trying to consider each other feelings more often for the sake of the children, the process may yet spark an old flame between each other.

Overall, a maintaining a balance is extremely important as with the right communication skills, intimacy and self-disclosure you might just be able to achieve relational maintenance and still wake up to the same love one with the same love you had for them since the beginning.

Nor Fatin Suraiya