Observing the Development Perspective model created by Mark Knapp, I've never been in awe of how simple a model could sum up a relationship's typical stages. Now, just by observing the many stages the Development Perspective model contains, I noticed that despite the rise and fall of relationships being divided into two major phases of 'coming together' and ' coming apart', there are many obstacles and miscommunication intertwined with the whole outcome in the end.
Its not as easy as it seems observing that to climb the model, there's only five levels in order to reach relational maintenance. Now, its definitely an understatement if i were to say that five levels does not mean that'll it'll be easy to achieve relational maintenance. However, its the total opposite, it is beyond difficult. Maintaining a relationship based on all the basic essentials is hard enough, but to ensure security when relational maintenance is achieved, thats harder. If you do not iniate, experiment, intensify, integrate and bond passionately, hence, downfall is where your relationship is heading.
Furthermore, there are also possibilities that during the 'coming apart' division, a couple may face a blessing in disguise behind all the arguments, tantrums, silent treatments. There are quite a few occassions where during certain stages of the 'coming apart' division a couple may suddenly may take a turn for the better. For example, during the differentiating stage, gaining privacy from one another allows both parties to indulge in their own activities once in a while. Thus, this may help boost the amount of space both parties are willing to sacrifice which symbolizes respect for one to not feel too restricted. This will also allow both parties to engage in new interesting conversations since they are not doing EVERYTHING together.
However, some may remain at the stagnate stage for quite a while due to various reasons. At the point where a relationship is heading downhill, some may not even make it till the terminating stage. This usually happens when children is an issue. With this, for the sake of the kids, termination may not be the solution, in fact it will continue with the relational maintenance level. Many couples at this stage usually try to work something out and through compromising and trying to consider each other feelings more often for the sake of the children, the process may yet spark an old flame between each other.
Overall, a maintaining a balance is extremely important as with the right communication skills, intimacy and self-disclosure you might just be able to achieve relational maintenance and still wake up to the same love one with the same love you had for them since the beginning.
Nor Fatin Suraiya
Showing posts with label Nor Fatin Suraiya. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nor Fatin Suraiya. Show all posts
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
perceptions can be decieving
My God. Aren't we living a complicated life. Why is that, we have this huge assumption which just tells our guts how deeply right we are about someone through body language or conversation? It doesn't matter whether or not the conversation was plainly heard by you or by another party but its the perception we have that blinds us from truly knowing the true content of the conversation. Not to mention the egoistic self in us which just simply sums up a person or a situation by perceptions.
Perception is what is percieved by others through activities which are caused by a few factors such as our narratives, perceptual tendencies, situational factors, culture and our ability and willingness to empathize. Now back to how our perceptions overrules our abiltiy to trust others and how egocentric tendency plays a major role in it too. Most of the time, we like to act like bigshots and with the constant use of equivocal words. However, I personally feel that most of us sometimes don't even know what we're talking about as apparently not knowing the content of our own conversation is not as important compared to how we appear saying it and maybe how we say it.
Hence, this is due to the situational factors which shapes who are when communicating. Degree of involvement, expectations, social roles and self-concept are one of the many situational factors which becomes a block to a civilized conversation between two people or more. Not to say that we're that superficial to actually care for the mere superficialty of how we are percieved but its true, thats just how we are! There are some that just comes off as, 'look, i seriously don't care if you pay attention to me or not, but this is what I've got to say,". However, the matter at hand is really more serious than it seems. All we want is to be accepted in society. Yeah, it would be nice to have a social ranking but there it is, the power of language! Our tendency to cling to our first impressions, judging ourselves more charitably and assuming others are similar to us is why we have a communication barrier causing others or us to feeling ridiculed, offended and hardly ever able to maintain relationships. Now, don't get me started on forging new relationships, since if we can't even tackle, empathize or maybe slightly consider other people's feelings, then we'll only have to learn the hard way to aid effective communication.
Nor Fatin Suraiya
Perception is what is percieved by others through activities which are caused by a few factors such as our narratives, perceptual tendencies, situational factors, culture and our ability and willingness to empathize. Now back to how our perceptions overrules our abiltiy to trust others and how egocentric tendency plays a major role in it too. Most of the time, we like to act like bigshots and with the constant use of equivocal words. However, I personally feel that most of us sometimes don't even know what we're talking about as apparently not knowing the content of our own conversation is not as important compared to how we appear saying it and maybe how we say it.
Hence, this is due to the situational factors which shapes who are when communicating. Degree of involvement, expectations, social roles and self-concept are one of the many situational factors which becomes a block to a civilized conversation between two people or more. Not to say that we're that superficial to actually care for the mere superficialty of how we are percieved but its true, thats just how we are! There are some that just comes off as, 'look, i seriously don't care if you pay attention to me or not, but this is what I've got to say,". However, the matter at hand is really more serious than it seems. All we want is to be accepted in society. Yeah, it would be nice to have a social ranking but there it is, the power of language! Our tendency to cling to our first impressions, judging ourselves more charitably and assuming others are similar to us is why we have a communication barrier causing others or us to feeling ridiculed, offended and hardly ever able to maintain relationships. Now, don't get me started on forging new relationships, since if we can't even tackle, empathize or maybe slightly consider other people's feelings, then we'll only have to learn the hard way to aid effective communication.
Nor Fatin Suraiya
Monday, January 19, 2009
The way of life
Its simple. Communication is human. We're human and whatever is carried out by our body, the actions it acts out, is simply what we call a process. Thus, does this indicate that our actions are merely actions or are they triggered by a certain symbolic representation? This is where, communication is introduced.
Communication is the process of humans responding towards symbolic behavior. Theoretically speaking, communication is continuous, ongoing, transactional and it involves personal history contributing to your interpretation. However, if we were to view this from a different aspect, reality that is, not everything is as happyly percieved as it should be. We have this enormous tendency to land ourselves in misunderstandings and arguements as there always seems to be a miscommunication at one point.
With this, this questions why communication is not always a good thing and how is it that communication does not require complete understanding? For example, in relationships, bantering amongst each other is perhaps the norm and how do we conquer the situation? Well, there is always the classic one line, " honey, we need to talk,". Now, everyone knows, this usually leads to cringing arguments but it also happens to be a miracle worker. Communicating with one another encourages compromising and this will only lead to further understanding of both parties and strengthens the bond forged. Nonetheless, it can also be a disaster in disguise. Too much communication between one another will sometimes bring out the worst in them. Therefore, for those who clearly knows they do not know how to handle such situations, can try to express themselves by using body language. See, this is the beauty of communication. Sometimes just saying nothing at all and yet at the same time show true affection and expressions through actions might just be the thing to break the ice.
Overall, our background, social circle is what keeps us sane. Talking to yourself is perhaps the most important factor as to why we can live a civilized life. Self-reflecting and exchange of ideas and feelings is what makes us human. We should be grateful for sign-language, body language and the many types of communication as how do live without it? Even the mute, depend on communication to live, whereas the blind, the depend on body language as part of living. The way we touch them shows, ensures them trust. Moreover, no matter how we tackle the significance of communication in our lives, we definitely cannot deny how it satisfy our needs which completes the physical health needs, identity needs, social needs and practical needs.
Nor Fatin Suraiya
Communication is the process of humans responding towards symbolic behavior. Theoretically speaking, communication is continuous, ongoing, transactional and it involves personal history contributing to your interpretation. However, if we were to view this from a different aspect, reality that is, not everything is as happyly percieved as it should be. We have this enormous tendency to land ourselves in misunderstandings and arguements as there always seems to be a miscommunication at one point.
With this, this questions why communication is not always a good thing and how is it that communication does not require complete understanding? For example, in relationships, bantering amongst each other is perhaps the norm and how do we conquer the situation? Well, there is always the classic one line, " honey, we need to talk,". Now, everyone knows, this usually leads to cringing arguments but it also happens to be a miracle worker. Communicating with one another encourages compromising and this will only lead to further understanding of both parties and strengthens the bond forged. Nonetheless, it can also be a disaster in disguise. Too much communication between one another will sometimes bring out the worst in them. Therefore, for those who clearly knows they do not know how to handle such situations, can try to express themselves by using body language. See, this is the beauty of communication. Sometimes just saying nothing at all and yet at the same time show true affection and expressions through actions might just be the thing to break the ice.
Overall, our background, social circle is what keeps us sane. Talking to yourself is perhaps the most important factor as to why we can live a civilized life. Self-reflecting and exchange of ideas and feelings is what makes us human. We should be grateful for sign-language, body language and the many types of communication as how do live without it? Even the mute, depend on communication to live, whereas the blind, the depend on body language as part of living. The way we touch them shows, ensures them trust. Moreover, no matter how we tackle the significance of communication in our lives, we definitely cannot deny how it satisfy our needs which completes the physical health needs, identity needs, social needs and practical needs.
Nor Fatin Suraiya
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