when worlds collide...its confusing.

Growing up, boys played a major role in my life. Through the age of 6 years-old up till when I was 10 years-old, I recall that most of my friends were mostly guys and maybe thats why I can relate to them and understand part of why they do things a certain way and what not. However, this mutual understanding of behavior and communication stops there. It is rather unfortunate that I cannot posses such ability to evaluate why communication is still a constant restraint for two people to commicate. Nonetheless, aside from gender being a major factor in communicating, culture also influences communication.

As i've mentioned, from what I noticed back in my childhood days, boys would tend to approach conflicts differently compared to girls. Studies have proven that children from preschool up to early adolscence have noticed that boys are more likely to be aggressive, demanding and competitive, whereas, girls would suggest propals for action. Verbal aggression and expressing themselves physically are some of the ways boys 'solve' conflicts. Moreover, the girls would scream, throw tantrums and most annoyingly whine.

However, these differences between both sexes still continue as we grow as adults. Men seem to think they have to sustain their ego and power by expressing themselves physically and worst yet, we have to endure listening to them cuss their way through frustration. Whats up with that? Alright, I do have a thing for cocky, 'men' men who occasionally swears to vent out, but all the time? It might be asking too much to sit down and listen but, we, women would love it if men talk. At least its a dyadic communication. Metacommunication is rare in relationships but it helps a lot at times. Although, men can't always be blamed as women too have their major flaws. During excruciating times in the relationships, women too would use verbal abuse, get physical and one of our main habits is to give the cold shoulder.

Furthermore, conflict not only ignites difficulty in communicating because of differences in gender, however, culture also plays an influential role on conflict. It is known ethinicty shapes a communicator's preferred conflict style ,whereby, those with strong cultural identitites tend to communicate more with those of the weaker cultural ties. The assertiveness between these two cultures differs too as the low-context culture and high-context culture is another factor that sets them apart. Low-context culture finds it very important that when communicating, messages should be direct and lateral, whereas, the high-context culture values self-restraint and has a tendency to 'beat around the bush'. This is perhaps why, the Americans find it hard to tolerate holding a conversation with Asians who 'beat around the bush'.

With these differences being the barrier between a good relationship, its no wonder how a relationship between two individuals of different cultural background would have trouble finding a conflict sytle that suits both parties.

gIrLs & cOnFliCtS

Girls and Conflicts

Girls and conflicts are unseparatable force. In high school and college, the ringleaders are often the girls with the highest value of socialising or the most popular girl among her peers. These girls can use the power they achieve with their status as a toll of mass destruction. The effect can be the same as US launching a nuclear attack on Iraq. These girls are able to control and manipulate other girls in the group and outside. As a form of relational aggression they bad-mouth other girls behind their back. Calling them names such as” whore, bitch, slut, fat”. Their main objective is tarnishing the other girl’s reputation or bringing them down in the eye of the boys.

A study conducted by Lawrence Owens, Phillip Slee, and Rosalyn Shute in School Psychology International, (2000, Volume 21, Issue 4) showed that girls participated in aggressive encounters for the following reasons:
· Boredom
· Lack of excitement
· Inclusion in the right group
· Self-protection
· Jealousy over appearance and close friendships
· Competition for boys
· Revenge
· Friendship
When Girls Become Targets of Relational Aggression
The "initial effect of an aggressive attack is confusion". As a result, girls feel:
· Embarrassed
· Angry
· Worried
· Lonely
· Self-conscious
· Betrayed
· Sad
· Depressed
Feeling overwhelmed, girls cover up their feelings, blame their selves, and deny the experience ever happened. All of these responses indicate the seriousness of this problem in girls’ perceptions of their selves and their relationships.

- Chirag Mehta-

Barack Obama :)

President Obama may be the best straight out communicator, we the public, have seen in a long time. Much effort will be given to dissect his ability in this area and even more time will be spent comparing him to MLK, the Kennedys, Cicero and Ronald Reagan among others.

So what does my aversion to hope as a strategy have to do with Barack Obama’s rhetoric skills you ask? I HOPE that instead of revering him for his communication prowess that the young and old will strive to do something about their own skill set. I am buoyed by the masses waking up the morning after the inauguration with good intentions of volunteering, giving money and becoming community activists. However, those same people still need to get jobs, make friends, find/keep mates, raise children, influence coworkers, acquire bank loans and so on and so on and so on.

Barack Obama is smart, kind, devoted, driven, and a host of other positive adjectives that could describe countless other people in this country. Why does he stand out above so many others? Because he has the ability to demonstrate those qualities to the people around him. Because he can COMMUNICATE.

relational development and maintenance goes a long way....

Observing the Development Perspective model created by Mark Knapp, I've never been in awe of how simple a model could sum up a relationship's typical stages. Now, just by observing the many stages the Development Perspective model contains, I noticed that despite the rise and fall of relationships being divided into two major phases of 'coming together' and ' coming apart', there are many obstacles and miscommunication intertwined with the whole outcome in the end.

Its not as easy as it seems observing that to climb the model, there's only five levels in order to reach relational maintenance. Now, its definitely an understatement if i were to say that five levels does not mean that'll it'll be easy to achieve relational maintenance. However, its the total opposite, it is beyond difficult. Maintaining a relationship based on all the basic essentials is hard enough, but to ensure security when relational maintenance is achieved, thats harder. If you do not iniate, experiment, intensify, integrate and bond passionately, hence, downfall is where your relationship is heading.

Furthermore, there are also possibilities that during the 'coming apart' division, a couple may face a blessing in disguise behind all the arguments, tantrums, silent treatments. There are quite a few occassions where during certain stages of the 'coming apart' division a couple may suddenly may take a turn for the better. For example, during the differentiating stage, gaining privacy from one another allows both parties to indulge in their own activities once in a while. Thus, this may help boost the amount of space both parties are willing to sacrifice which symbolizes respect for one to not feel too restricted. This will also allow both parties to engage in new interesting conversations since they are not doing EVERYTHING together.

However, some may remain at the stagnate stage for quite a while due to various reasons. At the point where a relationship is heading downhill, some may not even make it till the terminating stage. This usually happens when children is an issue. With this, for the sake of the kids, termination may not be the solution, in fact it will continue with the relational maintenance level. Many couples at this stage usually try to work something out and through compromising and trying to consider each other feelings more often for the sake of the children, the process may yet spark an old flame between each other.

Overall, a maintaining a balance is extremely important as with the right communication skills, intimacy and self-disclosure you might just be able to achieve relational maintenance and still wake up to the same love one with the same love you had for them since the beginning.

Nor Fatin Suraiya

solving problems in groups.

its never easy workin in groups,you encounter all kinds of problems and issues and because we are different people, the way we deal with stress or obstacles may vary a lot. another thing is some people may be more outspoken than others and others are very quiet and timid. personally,thats where the first najo problems occur in groups. people may bot be happy with the way things are goin but instead of communicatin their problem they keep it inside only to let their dissatisfaction turn to annoyance and thyen to anger and it wells up inside you taht when you do suddnly explode you can destro a lot of relationships with your group memebers. some peopl jus may not know the right way to express themselves and thats why they keep things inside. but the thing is we have to do,we have to talk bout the things that bother us when in a group, they cant guess whats wrong and it will ultimately affect the progress of the group itself. thats where learnin various problem solvin techniques helps in life. but its never easy attackin the problem head on. one as to plan and strategise the way to put it delicately so as not to offend the fellow group memebers. and believe me its never easy. livin in an appartment with friends well guys that i met here in malaysia isnt easy. you think you know the person long enough but life will alway throw you curves balls. there's always one issue after the other,maybe ine person isnt pullin their weight with the cleaning up,or the next person is always late with their part of the rent or someone doesnt help with the cookin, or maybe one person brings over too many friends who leave the place in a mess....every week we face all kind of problems,and for me bein the youngest uyet very outspoken sometimes it takes alil extra to be heard in our house! lol...but you see,thats where plannin and havin a careful aproach to it helps. you can explain your problem and you wont sound the least bit unfair or irrational in your explanation. also its good to have solutions to bring t the discussion that way whenn solvin the problem everyone in the group can bring forward their ideas and its easier to work on the problem. another problem we might encounte in groups is that we may find the leader unfair or worst case scenario the leader is lackin the qualities to be a good leader?!?!?! trust me its extremely possible...our group leader at camp was.....pathetic to say the least?!!? haha!!! what many people dont realise is that respect is earned not taken...if you're a leader then its imperative to remember that you treat your peers with respect and never try to be a tyrant...but at the same time dont be too passive or the team will simply fall into your ways and there wont be any progress made...and we dont want that now do we?!?!!? hahahhahaha...trust me at camp our leader was a little less than inspired!!! lol.

bala sepiso made

Presentations

Finally, the presentation is over...

start counting from secondary school until now, i can said that, there are quite a number of presentation i have done. but, none of them are good presentation. however, i can also see that there are a few improvement on my presentation. last time, i was very nervous when i am ask to speak in front of so many people. now, i can say that I'm already use to it although u can see that I'm still acting a little bit of nervous when i am speaking in front of a crowd.

however, doing a presentation that is impressive to every one is a very tough task to do. even tough teacher, lectures and professors that lecturing and teaching in front of many student every day, they are also not purposely are good in giving presentation too. when giving a presentation, a contact with the audience can actually make us more relax in front of the crowd. for me, giving a presentation is like we are sharing our knowledge with the others. it is just like e are sharing our feelings, thinking and ideas with our friends.
non-verbal communication is very important when giving a presentation. the body language and eyes contact that we use with the audience are very important. when we are performing on the stage, we can actually just pretend that the audience are not exist. this is because we don't need too much contact with the audience. however, when we are giving speech and presentation in front of so many people, we have to make a contact with the audience and let them paying attention to us. therefore, lectures always said that when giving a presentation or a speech, we should also use up your body language to a make a contact with the audience.

we can see that every time when a person is giving a speech or a presentation in front of the crowd, the audience will not paying attention to the speaker but sleep, yon, chat in a group or whispering with each other. the action of the audience are actually proving that the speaker aren't interesting enough and he is not good enough by bringing the audience back to his attention. besides of non-verbal language, we must also attach to the key point that we are trying to say and avoiding telling 'grandmother' stories.

Based on my observation through every presentation, i really hink that a contat making with the audience is the most imprtant thing. i hope that my presentation skills will keep improving so that i could become a good speaker.

History of Valentine's

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, lovers everywhere celebrate St. Valentine's Day with candy, cards, and flowers. Children bring home bags full of cards. Conversation hearts with "Be Mine" and "2Cute" and other such messages are favorite seasonal snacks all in the name of Saint Valentine. But why do we do this on St. Valentine's Day, and why in February?

Well, February has been associated with romance since the time of the ancient Romans. There are three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, and none of their lives had happy endings.

The most probable candidate for THE St. Valentine was a third-century priest in Rome. Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men because he realized single men made better soldiers. Valentinus felt that this was an unjust law, and he performed secret marriages for young lovers in defiance of Claudius. When this was discovered, Valentinus was put to death.

According to legend, while Valentinus was in prison awaiting his death, he fell in love with a young woman, who may have been the daughter of his jailor. He sent her a letter, which he signed, "From your Valentine," and we still use that expression to this day.

But while some people claim that Valentine's Day is celebrated in February to honor the saint who died on that day, in truth the Romans were having a celebration of love at this time of year long before Valentine met his fate. The holiday was called Lupercalia, and it celebrated what the Romans recognized as the beginning of Spring, on February 15, which is the Ides of February. Like most spring festivals, Lupercalia was a fertility festival. As part of the festival, the single women would put their names in a big urn. The eligible men would draw a name, and be paired with that woman for a year. Often, these year-long pairings ended in marriage.

Of course, the Church disapproved of this "lottery" system of living together, so in 498 AD Pope Gelasius followed the usual tradition of creating a Christian holiday to replace a pagan one. But the association with love and romance remained.

~Wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day!!

Greetings..

It is chinese new year and I've been busy back in hometown..

In my hometown, they speak different types of languages.. the younger and the older ones.. even my little niece and nephew =D..

The small ones normally expressed themselves through emotions and facial expressions..normally by crying or screaming.. One of my nephew even sh*tted on the floor !! omg

My uncles and aunties would speak hokkien dialect instead.. its fun to have different type of chinese dialect.. for me.. i would prefer to mix them =D

Happy CNY everyone!

Steven Chan

interpersonal communication

communication between two people has got to be one of the hardest things to do when communicating. its easier when you are among a group but when its jus two people everything becomes different. first of all one has to determine who this will be more important to in the long run you see. i mean take datin for instance...there are certain levels and codes of conduct you have to stick to before gettin to the point of where you two are deemed a "couple". and thats where communication comes in. everything you do now matters and varies...you have to determine the distance you can keep,compared to the first time you meet a potential date and to maybe when you're on your fourth date. the distance will be considerably different,the intimacy definitely...she'l allow ou to hold her hand,hug her maybe light kisses on her neck...that kind of intimacy which normally wouldnt be acceptable on the first date. what also influences the rate at which the physical side of this relationship will grow is culture. whatever influence culture has on the two people at heart they will certainly take into consideration when the guy is "making his move".

but with communication it doesnt jus end there. after courtin the lady,we now have to maintain the relationship dont we? and what does entail us keepin the relationship alive? some say the dialectical perspectives" do help. these offer a connection and autonomy to the person. in every healthy relationship,people need their space and their time together. if this didnt happen or perhaps one happened more than the other the spark would surely fizzle out. also,what i feel is the most controversial of all,keepin secrets from each other. the thing is how do we decide what secrets to keep,and are we sure that keepin that secret is the right thing to do? do we sometimes underestimate the magnamity of the secret? i feel that the thing with keepin secrets it always starts of with the small ones and soon they become big secrets...and people do this only because they are afraid to reveal their true selves to their better half...but really,if they are with you already,why would they not like you for you!??! the thing is we are human...only human,so we are flawed,no doubt bout that. and sometimes we can see our flaws,and sometimes it takes someone else to see thing bout us that we dont see...or vice versa,we may see things bout someone else that they themselves dont see of themselves...the hidden and unknown self. it all depends on what we choose to show the next person..but sometimes even if we try hide that to them...they may jus see it for themselves.

bala sepiso made